Articles

Your Brain on Presumptions: It’s Not Pretty, But It’s Curable

January 12, 2019

A recent coaching client, call her Anne, was a productive and ambitious over-achiever with expertise and results that top management highly valued. But she had been told she could be so brusque and direct that colleagues at various levels found it hard to work with her. She was described as sometimes intimidating, condescending, exhausting, and emotionally unpredictable. Not good!

At the start of our coaching partnership, Anne shared that she often felt disrespected due to the way her colleagues made demands of her. This incensed her, because being a highly valued professional was a top personal priority. Another one of her priorities was projecting unwavering strength. So when she was triggered by apparent disrespect, she projected an even more “invulnerable” harsher and inapproachable image. You can see the vicious cycle.

Our coaching engagement equipped me with 360-degree data about her colleagues’ perceptions. With the data in hand, I assured Anne that her smarts, talent and contributions were unquestionably respected. She had filled her knowledge gap with an incorrect assumption. By ending her imagined need to “fight” for respect, she found great new possibilities. We identified small ways to show up differently to her colleagues and reverse negative perceptions. She used more questions, explained more patiently, and established clearer boundaries – without the emotional load. Relationship improvements quickly emerged.

As Anne demonstrates, discarding old inaccurate assumptions can be powerful. When such presumptions are not vetted, they thrive uncorrected and unaddressed. The casualties can be trust, collaboration, innovation, and even talent retention. You don’t need a formal 360 to (in)validate silent assumptions. Just take a few minutes to respectfully review different stakeholders’ unspoken assumptions about a shared work stream, about role expectations, or about assorted priorities. The resulting illumination makes work easier, more enjoyable, and more rewarding for many. What a great gift to bring to your team to start off 2019!

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