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I once read that 80% of all meeting conversations in the work place are about what has already happened, even though the past cannot be changed.  What a waste!  And the alternative is very accessible.

How Much is Enough?  This is a trick question.  Everyone’s right answer is different, and it can change continually for each aspect of your life.

Most of us do not need another New Years resolution.  We have enough unfinished business and unfulfilled commitments to ourselves.   Instead, choose an existing resolution that remains stuck, despite your good intentions.  I propose you dust off that resolution for the new year and take it on with a fresh perspective.  Unravel the hidden assumptions that (perhaps at a subconscious level) block your progress.  Rather than let a change-resistant assumption have you in its tight grip, hold that assumption in your grip, examine it, and decide how much and when it actually holds credence.

A colleague recently described to me a specific self-defense concept from the martial arts form Akido.  Here’s the scenario:  an unexpected attacker grabs you from behind by wrapping his arms around your chest to restrain you.  For most of us, our instinct is to pull forward, to get as far away from the attacker as possible, as soon as possible.  But pulling forward only tightens the attacker’s hold, like a knot tightening when you pull a rope.  Instead, the better (akido-principled) reaction is to lean back into the attacker.  This can create some space for you, and will catch the attacker off guard, creating an opportunity for you to break free.  The lesson here is that the most effective course of action may be counter-intuitive.

In a recent coaching training workshop, the central focus was on “setting the agenda” – of a single coaching session, of a coaching engagement, and even of a client’s career progression.  The session highlighted something that may sound obvious, but often gets demoted below seemingly more urgent priorities:  When the agenda of a coaching conversation – or any business meeting – is not established up front, it is extremely difficult to ascertain if the discussion is valuable, if it is even complete.  Many false starts, divergent topics, and even major misunderstandings emerge unless all parties are clear on the presented issue and the desired outcomes.

When managing resources and making business decisions, substance of course always matters – what are the facts, what are the considerations and desired outcomes? But more often than we realize, people experience setbacks and disappointments that have nothing to do with substance. Before we even understand the facts, we misunderstand and underestimate each other, because we bring different thought processes, assumptions, priorities and communication styles to the table. For example, someone may be presenting a recommendation or solution to you, but if they walk through things in a way that is not aligned with your thinking and your emerging questions, they may lose your interest quite quickly.